Journal

Thanks for the comment, Lydia. :)

I wrote in my journal about three days ago. It's been a very long time since I did it before that. Since then, I've made an entry every day... which only gives me three so far, but I like how it's going already. There's something special about having a real paper-n'-ink journal. The pixels-n'-keys kind is alright for some things, but it doesn't have the same kind of magic. That's magic I've been missing out on.

I spent a good couple hours reading through all my old entries (of my current journal, anyway). They basically document me falling in love with Rachel. All the way from our first kiss after junior year, down to the summer before college. After that I wrote less, and what I did write took on a different tone. I wrote more about money and my struggles with finding a job and about my apartment. But I loved reading through it all. I often consider senior year to be one of the highest points in my life thus far, not only because of Rachel but because of the creativity and productivity I had at that time. I was really going places, and I had a master plan. Going to college threw a wrench in the works, but now that I'm back here at square one, I think I'll be able to pick up the pieces and get going again.

So I think I'm going to give my journal some more attention. Knowing that I'm beginning to write consistently again has a constant passive effect on me, a little balloon that helps keep me up. Here's a little insight into the mind of Jaron: I'll be working on something or thinking about something, and I'll go off on a tangent. When I finally try to return to where I was, I won't be able to remember exactly what I was thinking about or intending to do. But I can remember the feeling it gave me, whether I was excited about it or feeling dread or frustration or whatever. This way, I know how I really feel about something, whether it be an idea or an activity. Well, I was trying to think about journal writing, and what I felt was a sort of safety net, something to catch me, and I was happy about that. So I think, to me, my journal is a way of preserving my past self in such a way that I won't be lost to time. I know I've changed in the past few years. But sometimes it's hard to see, and it can happen without me noticing. But if I have my journal, I can always remember what my life was like at any given time. I love that.

I'll try to keep this place updated too. I like to feel like I'm still connecting with the outside world every once in a while. :)